There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
