your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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