I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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