I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
