Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
