I hate your face
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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