he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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