she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
