Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
