I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
