I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
