For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
