i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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