Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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