just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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