I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Found the puke drawer
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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