So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
