My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
