So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
