Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
