He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
