forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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