Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
