Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have demons in me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
