God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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