Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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