guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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