Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize