Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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