If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
