my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
