I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
