I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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