is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
