Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
