my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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