As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
