One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
this is an emotional support booty call
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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