Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
