That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
