Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
