I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just pee around me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
