I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh god it's open bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
