that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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