A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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