Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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