He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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