my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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