I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
