you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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