you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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