Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize