I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
