Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
