Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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