She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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