I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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