just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
