Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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